Top Ten
by BonnieWolfgang
Summary: The top ten best shags list has just been released... OneShot


All morning as Hermione walked between classes, she heard giggling and incessant whispering about fingers, tongues and "Oh my Merlin, have you seen how big he is?" That could only mean one thing. That the Top 10 Shags list had come out. She had found out about the list in her third year when Lavender had asked her who she would vote for if she wasn't, you know, a virgin.

As she made her way to lunch, she saw no less than three girls gesturing how big someone was, before sitting across from Lavender and Parvati who were giggling.

"I assume the list is out." She said and they turned to face her with grins.

"Of course." Lavender giggled. "There's a surprise contender that I did not see coming."

"Who?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Ernie Macmillan, the Hufflepuff in our year." Parvati smirked.

"Really?" Hermione was shocked by the seemingly shy boy. "Who else is on the list?"

"Lee Jordan is number 10 this year. Dropped two places." Lavender told her. "It's a shame really."

"Then it's Dean. He must have gotten much better, cause he wouldn't have been considered last year." Hermione chuckled at Parvati's weird compliment.

"Then it's Ernie." Lavender continued.

"Cormac McLaggen got number 7 this year, dropped two places as well."

"Draco Malfoy is at 6, unsurprisingly. Have you seen how long his fingers are?" Lavender asked with wide eyes. "Apparently, they're nothing compared to his dick."

"Terry Boot came in 5th, gaining 5 places from last years 10th." Parvati nodded, clearly having been there. "Then Blaise Zabini and let me tell you, he's the best shag I've had so far."

"Was Fred or George in third?" Lavender asked Parvati.

"George." Parvati confirmed, "Theodore Nott got second."

"And then Fred in first." Lavender finished. "You would not believe the things I've heard about Fred."

"What have you heard?" Hermione asked curiously.

"I've heard he's just as talented with his fingers as he is with his tongue, and I've heard he's extremely talented with his tongue." Parvati giggled again.

"I heard he's very well endowed if you know what I mean." Lavender added with a giggle.

"Do you know if either of the Twins are single?" Parvati asked, likely hoping to see if the rumours were true.

"I don't imagine you get top 3 by being in a relationship." Hermione chuckled, before going to sit with Harry and Ron.

"What were you talking to Lavender and Parvati about?" Harry questioned as she put some food on her plate.

"Just some gossip."

"You were gossiping?" Ron asked with a mouth full of food.

"Don't sound so surprised." She glared.

"So, what's the gossip then?" Harry asked.

"It was just about this years list." Seeing Harry and Ron's confused faces, she elaborated. "The top ten best shag at Hogwarts."

"There's a list?" Ron was astounded.

"Of course there's a list." She shook her head. "How else are we supposed to know who go to for a good fucking?"

"Such language." She heard beside her. "Hardly appropriate for a prefect, wouldn't you agree, George?"

"I quite agree, Fred." Fred slipped into the seat beside her and George sat on the other side of her.

"Ah, the Notorious Third and First Best Shaggers." Hermione laughed, looking to each of them as she announced their place.

"Third?" George was scandalised. "Who took me out of second?"

"Theodore Nott." Hermione giggled. "The things I've heard about the pair of you..."

"What have you heard?" Ron demanded.

"I'm not quite sure you want to know." Hermione tried to hide her laugh.

"I do." He demanded again.

"Fine. From what I've heard, the pair of you are quite talented, particularly competent with your fingers and tongues."

"Competent?" Fred frowned. "More like godlike."

"I've never," George shook his head, "been so insulted Hermione Granger. Competent." Hermione giggled girlishly.

"Where'd I place?" Ron asked.

"You didn't." She shrugged.

"Who have you been shagging?" Harry asked with a grin, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs from his ginger friend which he took with a laugh.

"None of your business." He answered blushing.

"Who'd you vote for then?" George asked Hermione.

"Well, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, Georgie..." She patted the arm closest to her.

"Yeah, she didn't want to tell you she voted for me instead. Wouldn't want you to cry." Fred grinned, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she leaned into him while George pouted. Ron had wide eyes as he looked between the three of them.

"You shagged them?" He asked loudly, causing more than a few heads to turn.

"Well, not at the same time little brother." George grinned.

"We don't share our women." Fred added. Hermione rolled her eyes with a slight smile.

"I haven't shagged either of them," Hermione told him.

"Yeah, we prefer to call it making love, don't we, dearest?' Fred smirked at her.

"And even if I had, it wouldn't be any of your business, like you said," She finished, ignoring Fred's comment. Fred finally pulled his arm down, placing his hand on her inner thigh under the table. She felt a shiver go down her spine as she imagined the long fingers on her thigh curling inside her. Fred gave her a nudge and she nodded, standing. "I'm not actually that hungry. I'm going to get some study done before class." She stalked out the hall to an abandoned corridor.

5 minutes later, she spotted a mop of red hair rounding the corner and let out a sigh of relief. Fred grabbed her hand and pulled her into an old classroom, locking and silencing the room with a wave of his wand as he pushed Hermione against the wall, kissing her strongly.

"You were just kidding with George, yeah?" Fred asked before untucking her shirt and slipping his hands underneath as her sucked on her neck.  
"Of course, I was, babe." She moaned out.

"Good, cause I wasn't kidding about us sharing."

"i know." She sighed, "Now, show me why you got number one."


End file.
